Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
