I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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