..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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