If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
