I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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