...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
