she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
