I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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