my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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