i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
