i already hear my dad disowning me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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