When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
