I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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