The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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