Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
