Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
