You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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