You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
