glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
