I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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