Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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