Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
