Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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