yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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