that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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