the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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