Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
