I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize