You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
