Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
