I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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