Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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