Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
