Swine flu is the new snow day.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
