Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
