That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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