Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
