absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
