My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
