you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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