walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize