Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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