Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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