I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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