i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize