and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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