There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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