I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
