remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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