I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
