HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
