my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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