Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
