He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
