So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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