goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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