We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
