I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
