i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
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There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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