I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
