I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
