Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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