i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
