i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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