You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
