True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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