someone threw a dead crab at me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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