Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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