I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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