operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
