Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
